"Now if there's a smile on my face, it's only there trying to fool the public". - Tears of A Clown, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
And the award for Best Actress goes to....me. People think I am happy and upbeat, yet nothing could be further from the truth these days. No matter how I seem when others are around, in private I am dealing with tears and panic attacks. Recent financial setbacks have left me feeling pretty gloomy. It's not always easy to keep my happy face on.
Lately, I am often fighting back tears and can't wait to duck into a ladies' room or get back to my car or home so I can have a cry. The good thing is, even though we all have those times when everything seems like it's going wrong, every so often we get a little pick-me-up that can come from simple things like a good moment, a nice gesture, something funny, or something that inspires us. One thing I have found inspiring recently is a character named Sue Heck, the teenage daughter on the sitcom, The Middle.
Sue is always optimistic and positive. She bounces back easily from disappointment. Despite never making any team or getting into any activity she tries out for at school, she never stops trying. She actually did make the cross country team in the season finale, after her mother convinced the school principal to offer a "no-cut" activity. But Sue's own perseverance in showing up and going around the track as required, even after having been injured and having to use crutches, was what really got her the spot on the team. Even in the face of adversity, she never gave up.
Of course, Sue has youth on her side. And then there's the fact that she is a TV character. But we all know someone like Sue in real life. Someone who doesn't let stuff get them down for too long and always looks on the bright side. I wish I could be more like her.
I wish that my happy exterior was real and not just a show I put on for others. I wish I could be optimistic enough to always believe good things will happen, that I will make the team. Well, that everything will work out anyway.
I just hope that I can get through this rough spot and that I won't need the happy mask anymore, because there will be a real smile on my face. Maybe, a little of that Sue Heck positive spirit will rub off on me.