Sunday, May 9, 2010

Cleaning Up

I had to laugh when I read my horoscope this morning. It said that I should do some serious cleaning up - clean out the closet, car, etc. and get rid of clutter. It said to make room before adding anything new. It also advised me to clean out my mental clutter, such as any useless or silly ideas or preconceptions I've been carrying around. These are exactly the things that I've been preoccupied with lately.

As to the first part of my horoscope - I am trying! I've been plodding through spring cleaning for the past few weeks, drawing on my limited supply of energy to tackle projects indoors and out. I have made some headway, but not as much as I would have liked or been able to back before MS came into my life. I start out working on a task, and soon my body starts to display a lack of willingness to work with me. As I fight against it to finish what I'm doing, the negative thoughts begin to creep in. That's where the second part of my horoscope comes into play.

I haven't been writing as often as I would like lately, as I have been feeling very overwhelmed, not just by the list of tasks I need to complete, but mentally and emotionally overwhelmed as well. Sometimes I feel ill-equipped to deal with things that are going on in my life, or I feel too weary to deal with them. I start to think negatively about things, and maybe even scare myself a little.

I don't know if they qualify as useless or silly ideas, but the negative thoughts don't help, so they should be tossed out. I would like to move forward and get my life cleaned up - it is a real mess right now. I think sometimes we just need to get out from under all the stuff that is bogging us down, physically and mentally. After that, it is just a matter of keeping the mess from building back up again. Cleaning, cleaning, always cleaning.

Sometimes in the midst of all the cleaning, a little rearranging needs to be done, too. That is something I may have to deal with, and I'm not looking forward to it. I don't like having to make big decisions, and I know I may have to do just that. It has to do with my dislike of change I am sure, though there are some changes I would like to make. And of course, as always, I am hopeful that there will be a positive outcome.

As for adding anything new, I think that would be new ideas, new experiences, new thoughts. I sure could use those. Some new positive thoughts would be nice, to get things going. I've been dragging myself down lately, but I am able to turn it around. I somehow always do. The other day I was thinking how tired I am of pulling myself up off the floor (both literally and figuratively), and then it occurred to me that the good thing is at least I can do that. So I know I will continue to do it - and well, why wouldn't I? No one wants to stay down on the floor - especially in this house!

Time to clean out the old and bring in the new - sounds good to me. And maybe once I get the floors clean - a new living room rug!

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