The Fight

With the arrival of spring, I can't help but be reminded that soon I will have the summer heat to contend with. Basically, the heat intensifies the fatigue I already feel every day. It's just part of the ongoing fight between me and MS, the condition I have been dealing with for the past eleven years.

We weren't always at odds with one another. In the beginning MS pretty much left me alone, but for a while now, MS seems to want to push me around, and is always challenging me. While my invisible opponent does have an unfair advantage, and does not fight fair, I feel I am a formidable contender.

Sometimes we go several rounds in a day as I push through the fatigue trying to get things done. It's like standing up to a bully and refusing to back down. It's not easy. Sometimes I get tired of the struggling. Sometimes I get so angry with this illness that I ball my hands into fists, challenging it right back.

It takes determination. I can't let MS keep me from doing things. It has already messed with my life enough. MS pushes, and I push back. Fighting back makes me feel good. I feel like it energizes me, and it helps me to stay positive. I feel proud of myself for being strong enough to keep fighting.

MS will not knock me out. I will stay on my feet. No matter how hard the fight, I will come out on top.

The Time and Energy Dilemma

So little time, so much to do. Everyone probably has this problem to some degree. When you have MS, it can be an even bigger dilemma.

Since I have to deal with often feeling fatigued and generally moving slower than I'd like, time is a precious commodity for me. So is energy. I often find myself in a "use it or lose it" situation. I have to take advantage of the energy when I have it, and get things done before it runs out. So if I am suddenly feeling energetic at seven in the evening, that is the time to head off to the store.

Scheduling activities is next to impossible. You never know when fatigue will strike. There are certain times of the day that I tend to feel a little less tired, though, so I make all my appointments for around those times.



In a way, my time and energy dilemma has been a helpful thing. It has helped me to learn how to prioritize. I used to try to do too many things in one day. Now, since my energy is limited, I can only do so much in a day, and everything takes longer when you're slower. It's also helped me to feel less stressed. I used to be late for everything because I wasn't giving myself enough time to get where I needed to be. Now, I'm kind of forced to give myself extra time because of my slow walking. It feels good not to have to be rushing around anymore.



Sometimes I think it would be nice to have more hours in the day, and I'd like to move as fast as I used to, but I do welcome the challenge of getting things done in spite of the limitations with which I have to contend.

What to Do If You Run Into a Scary Monster

It's that time of year again. The time of creepy creatures, ghosts and goblins, and things that go bump in the night. Some monsters don't wait for Halloween, though - they come out year round.

They can sneak up on you at any time, and they come in all different shapes and sizes. Scary, right? Not if you know how to handle them.


I ran into a monster called MS, and it's been causing trouble for me for the last eleven years. At first I was frightened, but the longer I had to deal with this monster, the more I came to realize that fear was not my only option.

If you run into a monster:

Stare him down. It's like they say - you have to face your fears. You can't run away.

Be strong. Dealing with this condition made me find strength I never knew I had. Just like the horror movie heroine who battles the monster, I got to a point where I just refused to let fear take over. I didn't want this thing to have that much power over me.

Laugh in his face. MS may have ruined some things for me, but I won't let it keep me from enjoying my life. No matter what happens, we need to keep our spirits lifted, laugh often, and appreciate all the good things we have and that are around us.

Whether you have MS or some other monster problem, sometimes you have to overcome your fears and deal with it on your terms. I still get scared sometimes; it's not completely avoidable. But I always try to stay positive, and not let the monster "get" me.

Luckily, when it comes to all the little scary monsters who come to your front door on All Hallows' Eve (the best kind), you just need to give them some candy, and they'll go away.

My Obstacle Course

Getting around when you have MS can be challenging at times. I never realized how much I took walking for granted until my walking got slower and, occasionally, a little unsteady. These days, with my troubled gait and bothersome fatigue fighting against me, I often feel like getting around in everyday situations is like making my way through an obstacle course.

To keep the fatigue from walking to a minimum, I try to keep it simple, remembering that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Still, there are those times when I have to change course when I'm walking, resulting in extra steps. There can be people or things that I have to go around when I am out and about. Little unexpected roadblocks. Just the other day, I had to walk around two parked bicycles that were blocking my path to the entrance of my local pharmacy. Sometimes I even have to walk around my cats, or step over them. They like to challenge me. I think it's their way of trying to keep me nimble.

Whenever I go somewhere new, I have to keep an eye out for steps, and scope out the parking situation to see how far I'll have to walk. Sometimes handicapped parking is not available, so I recently obtained a cane, which helps a bit with walking greater distances. I am mindful of curbs, or cracks in the pavement. Trip hazards. If I trip these days, I fall. I can't recover from a trip and regain my balance anymore. Another worry I have to contend with is winter travel. Walking through snow and over potentially slippery surfaces is always a concern. A little patch of ice and one wrong move, and down I'll go!



I try to look at getting around and performing daily tasks with my MS symptoms as an adventure. It isn't easy. Sometimes the obstacles I encounter can be frustrating. Maybe my arms get fatigued, and I find myself fighting with food packaging that's difficult to open, or dropping things repeatedly. Or I'm walking through a store, or wherever, and I feel like I just want to scream, "Everyone get out of my way!" But somehow, I get through it.



Life itself is sometimes an obstacle course. We make our way through it, bumping into this problem, or that dilemma. My own personal physical obstacle course has me dodging low energy here, having to take a longer walk there. Things that were once simple to do now require much more effort and attention to detail. Well, without obstacles, I guess life would be pretty boring.

Cleaning Up

I had to laugh when I read my horoscope this morning. It said that I should do some serious cleaning up - clean out the closet, car, etc. and get rid of clutter. It said to make room before adding anything new. It also advised me to clean out my mental clutter, such as any useless or silly ideas or preconceptions I've been carrying around. These are exactly the things that I've been preoccupied with lately.




As to the first part of my horoscope - I am trying! I've been plodding through spring cleaning for the past few weeks, drawing on my limited supply of energy to tackle projects indoors and out. I have made some headway, but not as much as I would have liked or been able to back before MS came into my life. I start out working on a task, and soon my body starts to display a lack of willingness to work with me. As I fight against it to finish what I'm doing, the negative thoughts begin to creep in. That's where the second part of my horoscope comes into play.



I haven't been writing as often as I would like lately, as I have been feeling very overwhelmed, not just by the list of tasks I need to complete, but mentally and emotionally overwhelmed as well. Sometimes I feel ill-equipped to deal with things that are going on in my life, or I feel too weary to deal with them. I start to think negatively about things, and maybe even scare myself a little.



I don't know if they qualify as useless or silly ideas, but the negative thoughts don't help, so they should be tossed out. I would like to move forward and get my life cleaned up - it is a real mess right now. I think sometimes we just need to get out from under all the stuff that is bogging us down, physically and mentally. After that, it is just a matter of keeping the mess from building back up again. Cleaning, cleaning, always cleaning.

Sometimes in the midst of all the cleaning, a little rearranging needs to be done, too. That is something I may have to deal with, and I'm not looking forward to it. I don't like having to make big decisions, and I know I may have to do just that. It has to do with my dislike of change I am sure, though there are some changes I would like to make. And of course, as always, I am hopeful that there will be a positive outcome.

As for adding anything new, I think that would be new ideas, new experiences, new thoughts. I sure could use those. Some new positive thoughts would be nice, to get things going. I've been dragging myself down lately, but I am able to turn it around. I somehow always do. The other day I was thinking how tired I am of pulling myself up off the floor (both literally and figuratively), and then it occurred to me that the good thing is at least I can do that. So I know I will continue to do it - and well, why wouldn't I? No one wants to stay down on the floor - especially in this house!





Time to clean out the old and bring in the new - sounds good to me. And maybe once I get the floors clean - a new living room rug!

Appreciating The Humor, Even When The Joke is on You

I was kind of disappointed this month because St. Patrick's Day came and went so fast, I couldn't get my post about good fortune fleshed out in time to write it here. It occurred to me that April Fool's day is nearly upon us, however, and it seemed like the perfect time to write something about humor and laughter.

April Fool's is a holiday for kids (and kids at heart). I don't remember any of the April first pranks from my childhood, but once in a while I'll recall a funny thing that happened in those days. Like the time I had to chase after my two-year-old little sister as she ran naked down our driveway. Or the time my friend and I were in my mom's car waiting for her to come out of a store, and the car started to roll backward. Just remembering my friend frantically trying to get the car door open still cracks me up! (The car stopped, and no one got hurt.)

Little kids' laughter is the best. It sounds so cute, and they will laugh at pretty much anything. Once when I was outside with my nephew (he was three), my cat ran past us and I said, "Look at her go," and "sang" the theme from Bonanza. The kid broke into peals of hysterical laughter, and I couldn't help but laugh as he kept giggling away.

It's easy to laugh when someone falls victim to a prank or does something funny, intentionally or not, but it's important to be able to laugh at oneself as well. In living with MS, it especially helps to be able to make light of the way this condition can affect you.

MS is full of "I meant to do that" moments. Little stumbles, falling over, dropping things. If you are able to laugh at yourself, it shows the world you have a positive attitude.

At my last MS treatment, two other patients and I got to talking about our symptoms and such. I mentioned my walking troubles, and the male patient joked about how he hopes he never gets pulled over and asked to walk a straight line. We talked about how early symptoms can appear, and I mentioned a bout of double vision I had as a kid. "Tequila has that effect on me," he quipped. "Well, this happened when I was six," I said, laughing. It's good when you can find a little humor in something that isn't particularly pleasant to have to deal with.

While it may not be the cure for what ails you, laughter truly is the best medicine. Sometimes, even when I don't feel like laughing, my cat will do something silly, and I'll crack up. Or I turn on my favorite sitcom, just out of habit, knowing that even the show can't make me laugh, I feel so bad. But I end up being wrong. It's so great that we respond naturally to humor by laughing; it's like self-medicating. And afterward, you feel better.


It's funny how some of the best moments in life can have you laughing so hard it makes your belly hurt, and even makes you cry.

Life sometimes plays some mean jokes on us. If we can't laugh at our own expense, at least being able to laugh about something, to distract ourselves for a while from whatever is going wrong in our lives, is just too good an opportunity to let pass us by.

Some Thoughts on Being Thankful

I recently made an impromptu list of reasons to be happy (Twenty Reasons to be Happy Right Now). Some of the things I included on that list are things that I am extremely grateful for.

There are times when, I have to admit, I forget how important it is to be thankful. I have those moments when I'm too busy feeling down about things that aren't going that great. But then I bounce back and remind myself that I really do have a lot to be grateful for.

For instance, I might find myself feeling frustrated that I am moving slowly, and no matter what I do, I can't get my body to go any faster. But I know that I really am grateful that I am still on my feet - at least in the physical sense.

When things aren't going the way we'd like, it's easy to fall into a trap of feeling sorry for ourselves. Bad stuff happens and we're ready to throw on a "Life Sucks" t-shirt.

But we know that it really doesn't. No matter what fresh problem life is serving up, there will always be things we can be thankful for. Sometimes you just have to stop and take stock of the things in your life that are good, maybe make a list of all the things that make you feel grateful, like:

The people in your life. The people closest to us, our family and friends, usually top the list. We all have people for whom we can be thankful - people who have touched our lives, made a positive impact. Anyone we know who enriches our lives in some way. For me, my doctor and the nurses who do my treatments are among the people for whom I am most thankful.

Events and Opportunities. Life is full of events to be thankful for. You get the job, you make the team, you meet "the one". Anything good that has happened for us certainly makes the gratitude list. There are always things we can think of that we've been able to do, opportunities we've been fortunate to have, like traveling to a foreign country or going to college, that we can feel grateful for.

Looking around, you can find lots of little things to be thankful for every day. It finally stopped snowing (I can't use that one right now!), gas prices have dropped. Sometimes we can just feel grateful that something good has happened, or things have worked out, either for ourselves or someone else.

What we have. Belongings aren't the most important thing of course, but we can still be grateful for them. Sometimes we take things for granted, or we get caught up in the competition of who has the most or the best toys, instead of being appreciative of the things we have.

Being grateful for what I have for me now includes my physical abilities. When you have MS, you really learn to appreciate being able to do things, especially when some abilities have been lost.

Just getting in touch with your gratitude for all the good things in life can really help you maintain a positive attitude and see good possibilities for the future.

When You Move at a Snail's Pace, But the Rest of the World Doesn't

I am sure I have probably said before that ever since being slowed down by MS, I have noticed more just how fast the rest of the world is moving. A perfect example occurred in the parking lot of my grocery recently. I came out of the store, dragging myself to my car, laboriously pushing my full shopping cart. After what seemed like several minutes, I got to the car, opened the trunk and started putting the bags of groceries in. Then a woman came barreling toward the car parked next to me, also pushing a full cart.

As I stood at my car, slowly placing the bags into the trunk and moving items around to more evenly distribute the weight of those bags, I noticed the woman tossing her bags into her car as if they weighed nothing. Then she sped past me to put her shopping cart in the cart return, like she was practicing for a new TV show called The Great American Grocery Race. She took off as I finally closed the trunk and headed to the cart return (which I was parked next to - a little strategy I use these days.) I kind of jealously glanced at the now empty parking spot on the other side of my car. These days, it just feels like everyone else is racing past me, leaving me standing in their dust.

Oh, swiftly moving society, how I miss walking among you and being able to keep up!

I recently read a letter by a woman with MS in a magazine. She wrote about how she had found a certain joy in being slowed down by MS, that it had given her time to focus on things she loved to do and a greater appreciation for things.

(Sigh) I guess that's a good way of looking at it. I do agree with that. Still, I can't help but miss the days when I could walk briskly, and get more done in a day.

There are times when moving slowly is a good thing. A quiet walk in the park, a leisurely stroll through an art museum. Taking time to take in one's surroundings and really see the beauty of them.

There isn't much to notice or appreciate about a grocery store parking lot. Except how quickly everyone else is moving. And I've realized that the fact that they are rushing about is probably indicative of having lots to do and being stressed out. And it's also made me realize that I probably was stressed out when I was moving at their speed, too.

So for me the joy of moving slower is that it has afforded me a less stressful lifestyle, which is nice. I still wouldn't mind being able to move a little faster when I have errands to get out of the way. But I have found ways to deal with getting things done. I give myself more time now to do them, and I don't overburden myself with my to-do list.

I know I am always going to be envious of the folks who can move faster than I - to a degree. But I do like knowing that I am not under pressure to get things done, and I like that I don't have to race around and I don't feel compelled to jam more stuff to do into my day. I can see the advantages of a slower pace now, and I do appreciate them.

The Low Energy Journey

For the past ten years, I have been on a journey that I did not choose to go on - I have been living with MS. These days I think of it as the "low energy journey", as my main symptom is fatigue. I feel like I am running on a quarter tank or less most of the time.

Recently I went to Lowe's for a new hose sprayer nozzle and a few other small things. Though all the items I needed were in the same general area, just walking around in this huge home improvement store sapped up my energy pretty fast. During the long walk to the checkout area, I had to stop and rest for a moment a couple of times.

It's much the same no matter where I go. The more walking I do, the more quickly I run out of gas. But you take a break, and you move on. That's how life is in a lot of ways. You just have to find a way to keep going.

Working with low energy is a challenge. It requires patience, perseverance and often some strategizing. I focus on key things like:

Prioritizing tasks. This is a must these days. I have to stay within my energy budget. I can't do as much as I'd like all in one day, so I have to decide what the most important things to do are for that day. I can only do so much and only go so fast.

Working in some down time. We all do it - try to do more, to squeeze things in. We wear ourselves out sometimes, trying to finish things or to get a jump on things we have to do the next day. I get tempted all the time to try and get more done, but in dealing with fatigue you have to know your limit and try not to push yourself past it. It's important to rest and recharge your battery, then you can get moving again.

Staying positive. I can't change the fact that my body works the way it does now. Sometimes it can be frustrating not being able to do everything I would like when I want to do it, or how fast I would like. All I can do is accept it and work with what I've got. I always remind myself how fortunate I am that I am able to do those things.

It may take me a little longer to get where I want these days, but I know I'll get there.

Survival of the Not-so-Fit

When you have MS, you can sometimes feel like you are struggling to survive in a world where no one understands what you are going through and negative feelings are lurking around every corner, waiting to strike.

And it is hard enough being slower than you'd like and fighting off fatigue and other symptoms on a daily basis while still doing the same things other, fitter people do - hold down a job, take care of kids, a home, etc.

My best survival strategy has been to keep the positive energy flowing in my life.

One thing I always make sure to do is to keep conversations upbeat. When talking about your condition, focus on your strengths and downplay your weaknesses - those silly falls or butterfingers. And don't let the subject of MS dominate the entire conversation. There are so many better things to talk about.

Sometimes talking about your condition with the people in your life can be like stepping in quicksand - you'll want to get out of it right away. There are the people who think they know what is best for you and try to tell you what to do, there are the people who say the wrong things. Sometimes I have had to minimize contact with certain folks - if they don't understand, are uncomfortable around you or just plain make you upset, they are not helping.

That's not to say they don't have good intentions - sometimes people may want to be supportive, but they don't really know how. And others just don't get it. Educate those you can. Join a support group. Surround yourself with positive people and positive conversation.

Other tools I always have in my survival kit:

Laughter. I say laugh as often as you can. Learn to laugh at yourself and your shortcomings. If you can make others laugh, that's even better. Spread the positive energy around.


Hope. It's always important to try to maintain a hopeful outlook. I mostly focus on the now when it comes to my MS. I just take it day to day, and when it comes to the future, I just hope for the best and that science will find a way to rescue those of us who are affected by illness.


Determination. You hear people say it all the time, "I'm not going to let this thing beat me." If I fall down, I get up. And as things have gotten harder, I keep plugging away. You have to have the will to survive.




"You cannot run away from weakness: you must some time fight it out or perish." - Robert Louis Stevenson

My "Workout" Routine

When it comes to fitness, I am not a devotee. While I am not a big fan of exercise, I have always liked walking and running. Of course I am not very good at those things anymore. Still, I think I get a pretty good amount of exercise these days.

My workout routine:

(Disclaimer: Because I am dealing with MS fatigue and stiffness, this "workout" has a higher level of difficulty for me than for someone who does not have MS - they will have to adjust as needed.)

Stretching and Bending - Get up and feed the cats first thing in the morning. Repeat throughout the day as often as cats wish to eat. One cat has hyperthyroidism and eats about ten times per day. Summer additions - picking up trash in yard and pulling weeds.

Climbing - One word - stairs.

Walking - For the summer, I've added dragging the hose around the yard to water the flowers, and walking to the door to let the cats in and out of the house as often as they wish to this part of my routine.

Walk around house to clean, walk in parking lot of doctor's office, grocery or other store, etc. (distance varies depending on whether or not handicapped parking spot can be obtained), walk through store pushing shopping cart. Occasional walking in yard or at the park. Every step is a journey! (Tee hee.)

Weightlifting - Carry grocery bags into house (usually divided into stuff that needs to come inside right away and stuff I can leave in the car and get later), clean cat litter box (as in dump out old clay litter and replace with fresh), carry cat litter bag or laundry basket up and down basement stairs (combines lifting with climbing), drag heavy trash cans to curb (combines lifting and walking).

Cardio - Um, no. Unless the seasonal tasks like leaf raking and snow shoveling count.

I don't know how many calories I burn with my workout routine, but I can say that at the end of the day, I am wiped out!

No Cure for the Summertime Blues? What's that?

Memorial Day weekend has come, and that means summer is about to begin. Summer can be a troublesome time of year for me, due to the fact that the heat worsens MS fatigue. But the season brings to mind fond summer memories and also holds many joys.



Growing up, summer vacations were always the best because they meant no school for three whole months! Just lots of hanging out with friends, going for bike rides or to the beach. I can remember trips to the zoo and Sea World with my family and amusement parks with my friends. Lots of good times.



My summer schedule isn't as packed with activities these days, and while I dread the sometimes sweltering heat, around this time I find myself eager for summer's simple pleasures - the Fourth of July fireworks lighting up the sky, cookouts, popsicles, going barefoot outside, planting flowers, squirting friends and siblings with the garden hose.




I remember when I was a kid, the bees seemed to have it in for me. I got stung a few times. But after the stinger was removed, I ran back out to play. A summer day is not to be wasted after all. Even now I find I can't hide indoors for the whole day - the summer beckons me outside. I stay out as long as I can until the heat sends me melting back inside to the comfort of air conditioning.



I'll always love summer, even though there are bees (I haven't been stung since childhood) and even though I was diagnosed with MS in the summer. There are some things you just can't allow to be ruined completely.

And what's not to love about summer? A time of year that takes you back to the fun of being a kid, with its swimming pools, ice cream stands and roller coaster rides, or maybe lets you lie in a hammock and daydream for a while?

And thank goodness for air conditioning!

A Little Help Here, Please

Every summer at least one wasp finds its way into my house. Though it's only April, we're getting a blast of summer weather with temperatures in the eighties today. So this morning, a wasp got in and was flying around the kitchen window, no doubt frantically trying to find his way out.

Being terrified of these things, I went about my business, avoiding the kitchen. I tentatively went back in after a while. The wasp had been silent, and I did not see him when I went in the kitchen. So I fed the cats, and soon after I headed to the store.

When I came back, I saw the poor creature crawling on the kitchen floor. After a while he flew to the back door. He ended up crawling around by the bottom of the door. Holding my breath, I carefully opened the door and watched as he slowly crawled out. I've done this before of course, but it never fails to be a tense and frightening experience. Once he was outside, I breathed a sigh of relief. For myself and for the wasp. I don't know if he made it, but he probably had a much better shot outside than in the house.

I like to be helpful when I can - even to scary insects - yet, I've always been kind of uncomfortable asking for help. I like to do things myself. But, every once in a while, I find myself incapable of handling something on my own (which I still don't like), and I break down and ask for help.

One thing I have had to accept in living with MS is that you can't always do everything yourself. Though it can be difficult, every once in a while you just have to ask for help. I have learned that having to ask for help does not mean you are weak or helpless. And I have learned that there are people out there who are willing to help. I know it gives me a good feeling when I help someone, so it stands to reason that others would want to do so for the same reason.

Though I enjoy the fact that I can still shovel snow, I know I never would have been able to get out a couple of days this past winter if my neighbor had not helped me clear the driveway. I was glad I asked!

I guess we all have those times when we get stuck in a situation we can't quite get out of by ourselves. Like the poor wasp - he couldn't figure out why he could not get through that window!

Sometimes we need a little help - someone to open a door for us so we can get where we need to be.

(Inner) Strength Training and Conditioning

One of the MS symptoms I sometimes experience is weakness in my arms or legs. But while my body may not be as strong as it used to be, I've pumped up my inner strength over the years to help me deal with the disease.


Inner strength - that drive and determination, that fighting spirit, that will to go on, that push that helps you to pick yourself up from the floor, dust yourself off and keep going - how I love it!


We all have to be strong, no matter what odds we may be faced with. We have to be strong for the people who depend on us. We have to be strong for ourselves. We may have times when we feel down, and we just want to crumble, but our inner strength serves to make sure that won't happen.


You won't see me in a gym lifting weights anytime soon, but when it comes to my inner strength, it gets a regular workout.


So, if we take a trip to the inner strength gym, we'll:

Gulp down the positive energy drink. I say it all the time, and I constantly remind myself, "think positive, think positive, think positive." A positive attitude and inner strength can feed off each other and work together to fend off negative thinking. If we let our negative thoughts run the show, where would that leave us? We'd never be able to do anything; we'd give up.

Be motivated. We all have those mornings when we don't even want to get out of bed. We may think, "What's the point? So I can drag myself to that dreary job that I hate?" Our inner strength gives us that push to get out of bed and get to that job or do whatever else we've gotta do. We need to, in spite of how much we don't want to, so we can meet our obligations and responsibilities. It may not be all fun and games, but sometimes you've just gotta tough things out. In the end, something good usually comes out of it.


Practice self-reliance. Because my family has the tendency to be about as reliable as burnt toast (it's okay, I can say it - they know), this is the exercise I do the most. Actually, I think it's always important to flex your self-reliance muscle, even if those around you are Johnny-on-the-spot reliable. There is a certain amount of pride, as well as a huge amount of strength, that comes from not having to depend too heavily on others and instead carrying your own weight and knowing that you've got your back when you need to. If you can do it yourself, then do it. Your friends and family really are just your backup support system.


Fight, fight, fight! Sometimes you just have to put on the emotional boxing gloves when you're dealing with MS, or any other adverse circumstances. While anger is a negative emotion, it's also a great motivator. You just get to a point where you decide you're not going to take it anymore. You can channel your anger into something positive like not bowing down to your MS fatigue, or finding a new, less dreary job. The anger gives you the strength to get in the ring and start swinging.


Inner strength enables you to get through the rough days, keep moving forward despite the odds, do what you have to do and give yourself the push you need to reach your goals. If you use it you'll get guaranteed results!

Laughing Matters

The other day I was in a bad mood all day. I just felt like I had too much to do and everyone was annoying me. By evening I was just exhausted and irritable. Finally having a chance to relax, I played a comedy special I had downloaded on my computer and found myself giggling away within seconds, all my stress melting away.


It's amazing how powerful humor can be.


Laughter is one of the greatest things about life. It has so many benefits: it gets your heart rate up, burns calories, relieves stress, releases those feel good endorphins and helps promote positive thinking. It's just an all-around wonder drug.


Being able to make others laugh is a great gift. I love watching stand-up comics perform. They do such an awesome job of talking about everyday things and making them funny. One thing I think is so important to have is the ability to laugh at ourselves. Comedians are really good at that, and they help us to laugh at ourselves as well.


Sometimes in life, you just have to laugh. Being able to laugh at those little screw-ups we make or the silly things the kids or pets do gives us a break from the dreary and serious routine of work, the pressures at home, the bills piling up and having to deal with whatever problems may jump out at us.


While MS is no laughing matter, I have found not taking some of its effects on me too seriously makes them easier to deal with. Walking a lot slower than I used to is a pain, but when people are waiting for me I just smile and say, "Here I come" or "I'm on my way, just a little slow these days."


Having MS has also turned me into a klutz. No matter how hard I try, I cannot avoid the occasional clumsy episode. I trip, I fall, I veer to the left. I have fallen in the snow three times this winter just while shoveling or brushing off the car. Picture a tree toppling over in the forest. Timberrrrr! That's me.


I could easily get frustrated by the physical challenges in my life. Falling down and having to struggle to get back up is no picnic to be sure. I have learned to make light of my own lack of coordination, though.


A couple I know came over a while back with their eighteen-month-old boy. We were on the front porch and he started climbing down the steps using his arms and legs and I said, "He goes down the steps like I do."


Sometimes I do feel like a toddler - physically. I mean, I'm not throwing tantrums or grabbing whatever I want and saying it's mine. A grown woman acting like that - now that would be funny.




Recommended reading: Someone I think was really funny was Erma Bombeck. Her humor-filled tale of her life as a suburban mom in The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank is a page-turning laugh riot.

Inspiration for a Positive Attitude

Keeping a positive attitude isn't easy. So many things can happen in our lives that bring about negative feelings, and even though we fight off those feelings, they can return at any time. We may feel sorry for ourselves, or we find ourselves getting discouraged. Sometimes a positive attitude needs a little nudge.

Sometimes that nudge can come from being inspired by people who are going through the same troubles we are or who have overcome other adversities. Even people we don't even know can inspire us with their positive attitude.

Recently, three people, one of whom I did not even see, have been an inspiration to me.

I saw a story on the news about an elderly man who lost his life savings in the highly publicized Madoff scandal. This man was given a job at his local grocery, where he serves as a customer greeter. In these tough economic times, this man, who retired years ago, is back in the workforce, the victim of greed, theft and dishonesty.

Still, his positive attitude was apparent. He smiled and said he's got a job to do, summing up his new circumstances. He seemed to enjoy what he's doing, and his boss even called him an inspiration to people going through tough times due to the current economy.

It's hard to imagine losing everything you've worked for your whole life. I was really inspired by someone going through that at his age doing what he's got to do to make ends meet. It certainly reinforced my desire to get back to work!

On VH1's show Sober House (I watch a lot of VH1), Rodney King, the reluctantly famous victim of a beating by LA police back in 1991, paid a visit to the scene of the incident. He said he forgives the police officers who beat him, and pointed out that it takes more energy to be angry than to forgive. He said he feels lucky to be alive these days. It was such a positive way to look at having to deal with what he went through.

I remember seeing Rodney King on the news after the LA riots broke out. He was an inspiration even then asking, "Can we just get along?" Hearing him speak about that time in his life now, I found it inspiring that he has moved on and has no ill feelings about what happened.

At my most recent MS treatment, I spoke with a woman whose daughter has progressive MS. Her daughter is my age and lives in a nursing home. Her mother described her as being strong-willed. She said her daughter handles all her own affairs and is very active in her own care and treatment. She told me about how her daughter had joked about her condition during one of their recent visits.


The woman said her daughter had been through a lot in her life before MS, and that the MS hit her very suddenly and progressed pretty fast. But the daughter sounds like a fighter, and I can't help but think if someone in her situation can have that good of an attitude, there's no reason I can't.

Stories like the ones about these three people, in however small a way, really do help me to keep my own positive attitude going. I also personally know people who've dealt with adversity, and their strength always inspires me as well.

Knowing or hearing about people who've beat the odds, or are dealing with a bad situation the best way they know how gives us hope. Their inspiring stories can help us to put things in perspective and maintain a positive attitude when we experience difficulties in our own lives.

Living at a Slower Pace

One thing that I've noticed a lot more since I've been living with MS is how much of a hurry everyone is in these days.

I used to walk briskly when I didn't have MS. Now that I can't walk that quickly anymore, I can't help but notice people rushing past me everywhere I go. It's like I'm standing still and everyone else is moving.

Being a reluctant slowpoke, I sometimes run into a problem where I'm following someone when they're showing me where something is in a store, or what room I need to go to in a building, etc. and they end up getting several yards ahead of me. I guess I just need to get in the habit of letting them know I can't go that fast.

It's not easy watching the rest of the world scurrying past you or running ahead of you. It gets me thinking, though, what is the hurry? Why can't everyone slow down a little?

Sure, life is hectic these days. Even I sometimes have feelings of urgency, of being 'busy', although I can't physically keep pace with those feelings. With so much on our plates, time has become a precious commodity. But, in a way, are we maybe overbooking our days a bit? Maybe we are trying to squeeze too much in.

One thing I have to do now that I am living with MS is to find a balance between tasks, time and energy. Since I can't rush around, a packed schedule is unrealistic. So I have to juggle tasks and errands to fit my limited energy budget.

I still get restless sometimes. When you've got a lot to do, it's only natural. Inside, I still feel like I want to hurry up and get things done, yet my body moves a lot slower than I'd like it to. Internally and externally, I have to slow things down.

If you're looking to slow the pace a bit, here's what I'd suggest:



Pare down the 'to-do' list. Go to five different places in one day? Are you kidding me? Not gonna happen. I can go to one place a day, maybe two, so I have to decide which are the most important. Chores are the same way. I choose one or two things that absolutely must be done that day, and that's it. The rest can wait.

The key word is: Prioritize. Spread things out a bit instead of trying to get it all done in one day.

Avoid getting overwhelmed or stressed. Give yourself plenty of time to get things done so there's no last minute rush. Don't take on more projects at work or extra responsibilities than you can handle. It's okay to say "No" once in a while.

Relax. Make time for yourself part of your schedule.

Plan a day of doing nothing. It seems every day we're busy. Even on the weekends there's always much to do. Pick a day where there are no major events to go to, no shopping trips or chores that can't wait, and just relax all day. Veg out and watch TV, lie on the beach, whatever you need to be totally relaxed.

Being slowed down by MS has really taught me a lot about appreciating things more. Slowing down a bit won't lessen how much you can get done, but it will reduce stress and increase your enjoyment of life. Life may be a rat race, but even the slow tortoise made it to the finish line.

Having a Bad Day - Dealing with Negative Emotions

Our emotions can get the best of us sometimes. This time of year we can become emotionally overwhelmed by the stressful holidays or the seasonal depression that often comes around during winter. The current economy has left many of us downhearted and probably even angry that things have gotten this bad. Or maybe we just feel sad, and we can't narrow it down to just one reason.

Having MS can be emotionally challenging as well. The stress and frustration of putting up with all the crazy symptoms can make you just want to scream. Sometimes you can feel very alone in your illness, like no one could possibly understand what you're going through.

Unfortunately, we can't be happy all the time, though we'd probably like to be. For times when your mood is bad or sad, I can offer the following suggestions:

De-stress. Sometimes we just need to step back from whatever is stressing us and take time out for ourselves. I find just putting on my favorite music and relaxing for a while helps me to calm down and renew both my spirits and energy. I also like to go for a drive at a quiet time of day (not rush hour) and clear my head. I stick to the residential streets and let my thoughts meander.

Sometimes it helps to be by yourself for a while. If you're angry, sometimes you need to walk away and collect yourself before you deal with it to avoid possibly saying something you'll regret.

Don't push people away, but let them know you need time to yourself.

Let it out. If you feel like crying, cry. Want to scream? Have at it. As long as you're in a spot where you can let it out, of course. Releasing the pent up feelings allows you to move on and start to heal.

Pamper yourself. Negative feelings are draining. Get some rest, throw on makeup even when you don't feel like it, and get that new hairstyle you've been wanting. Remember, it's better to look good than to feel good. (just kidding) Seriously, though looking your best can help lift your spirits, and there's no sense letting those bad feelings show on your face.

Laugh out loud. Laughter is good for you physically and mentally. It gets your heart rate up, increases circulation and releases those feel good endorphins. It's great stress relief and helps encourage positive thinking. I find just watching my favorite sitcom or a comedy movie really helps take my mind off my troubles and feel refreshed.

Spend time with children and pets. No one can be sad for too long when they're around the natural positive energy of children, watching them play, hearing them laugh. Kids just have a natural ability to make you feel better with their silly little ways.

Pets can pick up on the fact that you're feeling down. They are truly our best friends, never judging us, loving us unconditionally. They are happy just to be around us. Spend some time playing with them and giving them lots of hugs!

Talk to someone. Call up a friend, or talk to an understanding family member or counselor. Get your feelings out in the open and talk about what's troubling you. Getting it off your chest helps immensely.

Above all, being able to think positively and focus on the good things in your life will help chase away those negative emotions.

Life's Little Challenges

I remember how quickly and easily I used to go up and down stairs. I didn't even think about it at the time; it was like breathing - I just did it. Now, because I have MS, it takes me a little longer to climb up a staircase and going down stairs can be even more laborious. I definitely have to use handrails these days, too.

Taking the stairs is a challenge for me now. It's not a major obstacle; it's just not as easy as it used to be.

Sometimes when we get hit with a problem in life, a bunch of others come falling on top of it, like candy spilling out of a broken pinata. When we're faced with a big problem, it can also cause a lot of everyday things to become more challenging. These smaller challenges can be the most frustrating, as they are a constant reminder of the larger problem. Just going grocery shopping is complicated these days because of higher prices and tighter budgets in our struggling economy.


When things become challenging, whether it's because of health conditions, money woes, or some other negative circumstance, I've learned it helps to do the following:

Practice patience. I used to be kind of an impatient person, but being slowed down by MS has definitely changed that. Since I already have to have a lot more patience with my own body, it's gotten easier to have patience with others. Things that may have irritated me before, like waiting in line, don't bother me as much now.

Patience is said to be a virtue. It's also necessary when circumstances get tough. Things won't get better overnight. It takes time.


We may feel like we're burdened enough, and then something else goes wrong. Right now on top of the fact that I'm dealing with my MS symptoms, I have a sick cat, a car that needs new brakes, and oh yeah, it's the holidays! I could become impatient because the problems can't be taken care of quickly or easily enough, and I could take my frustration out on someone else, but what good would that do?



Getting impatient doesn't help. It doesn't make the situation go away; all it does is make us tense and irritable.

Relieve stress. Dealing with challenging circumstances is stressful, and that means getting some downtime is a must. Do what you can to relax as much as possible. Try to have some fun and take your mind off the things that are stressing you.

Taking care of ourselves is of the utmost importance. It's easy to skip out on doing things like getting enough rest and taking time for ourselves when we're stressed. I often find myself stressing over situations and then realize I've gotten myself to a point where I am either physically or mentally exhausted. So I take some time to just watch a little TV and relax, or I go for a quiet drive to clear my head.



Find ways to adapt. Being flexible and innovative helps when life throws a challenge our way. If it's going to be around for a while, we may just have to get used to it. We may have to make drastic changes or even call upon the people in our lives for help.


We can always find ways to change how we do things and still keep up with the demands of our daily lives. The current economic woes have brought about a lot of frugality. In dealing with MS of course, I've had to adjust daily activities because of having limited energy to work with. I've learned to prioritize and give myself extra time to do things.


In some cases we have to adapt emotionally. I find it easier now to keep my spirits up when I am hampered by MS. It wasn't always that way, but both time and the realization that there were other areas of my life where I could still find happiness helped me to better handle the situation and develop a more positive attitude.


Dealing with our challenges we may feel anger and frustration, and that's understandable. We just can't let those negative feelings overtake us or cloud our judgement.

Keep your chin up. Whether you're dealing with an ongoing situation like having MS or a temporary setback that makes day-to-day things tougher, it's important to maintain a positive outlook.

In a previous post, Pathway to a Positive Attitude, I wrote more about doing just that.

Life's journeys don't always take us over a smooth road. We do hit some bumps now and again. How we react and deal with them is our challenge. I still take the stairs from time to time because I like a challenge.

Pathway to a Positive Attitude

I'm not an expert on how to have a positive outlook on life. I haven't attended any seminars or read any books about the power of positive thinking. All I know about having a positive attitude I've found within myself.


Part of it has come from living with MS. It can be difficult to maintain a positive attitude when you're living with an illness, but it's necessary. Sometimes you have to try to stay upbeat for the sake of the people around you. Mostly, it's a matter of not letting your illness get you down.


I guess after my symptoms began to get worse, I saw it as a challenge. I discovered strength in myself that I never knew I had. And I'm amazed that from within me, a person who has always been very prone to thinking negatively and coming down on herself, a positive attitude was able to emerge.


It's not always easy to keep it positive. I have my moments. I receive treatment every month with a drug called Tysabri, which is administered through an IV. Last month I got very upset because the nurse was having trouble with my veins disappearing on her, and she had to keep sticking me. I ended up in tears, and all I could think was, "I don't want to do this anymore."


I didn't feel that way for long, though. Another nurse was able to find and hang onto a vein in my arm, so it all worked out. The IV was started, and life moved on. I didn't let that moment of feeling down about the treatment allow me to develop a negative attitude toward it that might have led me to discontinue the treatment altogether. I just came to the conclusion that while I can usually stay upbeat, there's only so much I can do when needles are involved!


I also sometimes find it hard to keep a positive outlook in other areas of my life, like not working, being in debt and knowing that I may have to move. Uncertainty can throw a monkey wrench in your efforts to stay positive about things.


I constantly remind myself that life is full of things we can't control, and even if things happen that upset us, it's up to us to turn things around. Sometimes we just have to make the best of things. We have to make a conscious choice to try to be happy even when things aren't going the way we want.


These steps help in keeping a positive frame of mind and projecting positive energy:



Squash negative thoughts. It's only natural for negative thoughts to pop into our heads. We think we won't do well enough at something. We think we're not good enough. We think that things won't work out.




Don't listen to those inner voices that make you doubt yourself by telling you there's something wrong with you or that you're not good enough. Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses. If you find yourself getting upset about the things you can't do, think of all the things you can do.



Don't go into a new endeavor thinking things won't work out. While it's important to have realistic expectations, don't let your thoughts drift toward the negative. Thinking negatively can set you up for failure. If even after thinking positive you do fail at something, think of the old saying: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.



Don't dwell on negative events. If something happens that had an outcome you didn't expect or want, deal with it, be upset about it for a little while, then let it go. Continuing to go over and over what happened in your mind won't undo anything. It's best to move on and, if possible, prevent the situation from happening again. Don't sweat your mistakes, learn from them.




Appreciate all the good things. Counting your blessings helps when things start to look dark. Being grateful for what you have and the people who are close to you enhances your overall outlook on life.



Find the good in people and situations. Let others know how much you appreciate the things they do for you. Appreciate the little things. Things that may not seem like a big deal can bring about positive feelings.

Find positive mantras. Make up a positive expression or find some that you like and use them often. One of my favorites is that Fernando Lamas quote Billy Crystal used to say in a skit on Saturday Night Live: It's better to look good than to feel good.

Humor is also very important in maintaining a positive attitude. Finding humor in everyday situations and laughing often increases positive feelings and lowers stress.


Focus on what makes you happy. Spend as much time as possible doing the things that make you happy. It makes the less enjoyable things more bearable making it easier to have a positive attitude.


Remember it comes from within. Whether or not you want to have a positive attitude ultimately is up to you. It takes work, but if you're willing to find it within yourself to take a positive approach in life, it is very rewarding. When you have a bright outlook, others will respond accordingly. People will want to be around you. Relationships with others can be better, and things will probably go better at work because your positive attitude won't go unnoticed.

If you make the determination to stay on a positive path, you can feel better, be happier and achieve more.