The Fight

With the arrival of spring, I can't help but be reminded that soon I will have the summer heat to contend with. Basically, the heat intensifies the fatigue I already feel every day. It's just part of the ongoing fight between me and MS, the condition I have been dealing with for the past eleven years.

We weren't always at odds with one another. In the beginning MS pretty much left me alone, but for a while now, MS seems to want to push me around, and is always challenging me. While my invisible opponent does have an unfair advantage, and does not fight fair, I feel I am a formidable contender.

Sometimes we go several rounds in a day as I push through the fatigue trying to get things done. It's like standing up to a bully and refusing to back down. It's not easy. Sometimes I get tired of the struggling. Sometimes I get so angry with this illness that I ball my hands into fists, challenging it right back.

It takes determination. I can't let MS keep me from doing things. It has already messed with my life enough. MS pushes, and I push back. Fighting back makes me feel good. I feel like it energizes me, and it helps me to stay positive. I feel proud of myself for being strong enough to keep fighting.

MS will not knock me out. I will stay on my feet. No matter how hard the fight, I will come out on top.

My Favorite Things About Winter

Since the dog days of winter are still upon us, I am trying to feel better about it by thinking about, and making the most of, all the things I like about this season. Things that help to make it more bearable.


Being snowed in - While this is a negative situation, it does have a certain cozy, even romantic side to it. I'm a homebody, so staying in and curling up on the sofa works for me.


My comforter - Pretty, thick and floral. My toasty old comforter has seen me through the last nine or ten winters, and it is one of my favorite things overall.


Frost patterns on the windows - Only in winter do you get to enjoy free artwork like this.


Critters! - Always entertaining, the birds and squirrels practically perform for food in the winter, making for some great photos. I also love watching my cats play in the snow. My male cat likes to run through deep snow, and he looks so funny when he does.


Snow - We love to hate the white stuff, it's true. But in small amounts, it is not bad. It's pretty to look at, and no matter how old I get, there is always something magical about the first snowfall of the season. (And then I get cranky about having to brush it off the car.)


Winter fun - I am not a winter sports person, and I don't like to be out in the snow for too long these days, but I love when I see kids out having fun in the snow. It brings back fond memories of playing outside in the snow when I was a little girl. I used to love making snow angels. (I can't do that anymore, unfortunately). I also have some great old photos of the snow fort the adults built for my little sister and me one winter.


Spring will be here soon (I hope), and I hate to admit it, but I will miss my favorite things about winter.

Predictably Unpredictable

It's funny how we like our predictions. We like to read our horoscopes; some folks even consult psychics. This time of year we look to the groundhog to determine whether or not we'll see an early Spring. (At least one I know of said we will - yay!)



Sometimes we just want to know what the future holds. But sometimes we prefer the element of surprise.



My horoscope the other day played up the unpredictability of life. It read that as badly as I want to know what the coming year holds, there is a certain beauty to a blank slate, and this is the time to let my fantasies soar. So I guess it's time to think happy thoughts and hope for the best.



Predictability can lessen the appeal of some things at times, but there is a certain amount of comfort that can come from it. Even the "same old same old" routine or daily work schedule can be reassuring. Boring as it can seem, we are grateful for it.



Then there is the way you can know someone so well, you can predict what they are going to say or do. That kind of closeness is a precious thing.


Even though some things may be predictable, life in general is not. It is understandable that we'd want to know what is in store for us in the future. Still, no one can really predict what is going to happen. The suspense can be a good thing, though. There's no fun in seeing a new movie if you already know how it's going to end. It's more fun thinking of the possibilities.

What to Do If You Run Into a Scary Monster

It's that time of year again. The time of creepy creatures, ghosts and goblins, and things that go bump in the night. Some monsters don't wait for Halloween, though - they come out year round.

They can sneak up on you at any time, and they come in all different shapes and sizes. Scary, right? Not if you know how to handle them.


I ran into a monster called MS, and it's been causing trouble for me for the last eleven years. At first I was frightened, but the longer I had to deal with this monster, the more I came to realize that fear was not my only option.

If you run into a monster:

Stare him down. It's like they say - you have to face your fears. You can't run away.

Be strong. Dealing with this condition made me find strength I never knew I had. Just like the horror movie heroine who battles the monster, I got to a point where I just refused to let fear take over. I didn't want this thing to have that much power over me.

Laugh in his face. MS may have ruined some things for me, but I won't let it keep me from enjoying my life. No matter what happens, we need to keep our spirits lifted, laugh often, and appreciate all the good things we have and that are around us.

Whether you have MS or some other monster problem, sometimes you have to overcome your fears and deal with it on your terms. I still get scared sometimes; it's not completely avoidable. But I always try to stay positive, and not let the monster "get" me.

Luckily, when it comes to all the little scary monsters who come to your front door on All Hallows' Eve (the best kind), you just need to give them some candy, and they'll go away.

A Wish List for Life

It's an age-old, thought-provoking question - "If you could have one wish, what would it be?" Some might say a million dollars. A child might say a pony.

Of course, one wish is hard to pin down. Like a child making a list for Santa, one could easily fill a sheet of paper with a list of things one dreams of having.




A wish list should be more than just a list of what shiny new toys we'd like, however. At some point, it becomes more about making a wish list for life - a list of the things we'd like to do with the rest of our lives and the way we would like things to be. A list of "wishes" that, in some cases, we just might be able to make come true, without any help from a genie and a magic lamp, if we work hard enough at it.




A wish list can be more of a list of goals, of hopes and dreams we'd like to see realized, a sort of to-do list or motivational tool. Making a "wish list" for life means looking at what needs changing and what we'd like to work toward. A better job, a new house. A million dollars.




I wish I were debt-free. Financial security tops my wish list right now. Sure it is a practical thing, but it can lead to bigger and better things. That's one of my goals right now - to work on the financial situation. And there are still places I wish I could travel to. (Sigh), someday.




Of course there will always be those wishes we'll need a little help with, circumstances we can't bring about on our own. Such as world peace or a better government. There are things I wish I were physically able to do again - like running- that I can't make happen because of my health, but maybe someday that will change.



For some things, we just have to keep on wishing.

Finding Good Fortune

It's hard to feel fortunate sometimes. When life hits us with problems, or we are brought down by the state of affairs around us, feelings of hopelessness and "woe is me" can begin to creep in. The only way to stay positive is to focus on the good stuff and the things in life that we're fortunate to have.

Even if money and possessions are lacking (and those aren't the most important things anyway), when you take stock of things, fortune can be found in the form of friends and family, and any positive circumstances in your life, like a good job, an opportunity that comes along when you least expect it, or the helping hand that is there just when you need it.

Sometimes we worry too much about the things we don't have, and we feel less fortunate. Every once in a while I feel that way because I have MS and it slows me down. But I consider myself lucky to still be otherwise healthy and strong, despite not being able to walk as fast as I'd like. I've also been fortunate to have caring people around me who have helped me to deal with the troubles this condition has presented me with.

I am fortunate to have great friends, especially my very best friend, who is always there for me. And when I think of all the good things that have come my way in the past, it makes me feel more positive about the future.

It's true what they say - life is a gift. And no matter how down on your luck you may feel, there is always good fortune to be found in your life if you look for it.

The Happy Mask and Why Sue Heck is an Inspiration

"Now if there's a smile on my face, it's only there trying to fool the public". - Tears of A Clown, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

And the award for Best Actress goes to....me. People think I am happy and upbeat, yet nothing could be further from the truth these days. No matter how I seem when others are around, in private I am dealing with tears and panic attacks. Recent financial setbacks have left me feeling pretty gloomy. It's not always easy to keep my happy face on.

Lately, I am often fighting back tears and can't wait to duck into a ladies' room or get back to my car or home so I can have a cry. The good thing is, even though we all have those times when everything seems like it's going wrong, every so often we get a little pick-me-up that can come from simple things like a good moment, a nice gesture, something funny, or something that inspires us. One thing I have found inspiring recently is a character named Sue Heck, the teenage daughter on the sitcom, The Middle.

Sue is always optimistic and positive. She bounces back easily from disappointment. Despite never making any team or getting into any activity she tries out for at school, she never stops trying. She actually did make the cross country team in the season finale, after her mother convinced the school principal to offer a "no-cut" activity. But Sue's own perseverance in showing up and going around the track as required, even after having been injured and having to use crutches, was what really got her the spot on the team. Even in the face of adversity, she never gave up.



Of course, Sue has youth on her side. And then there's the fact that she is a TV character. But we all know someone like Sue in real life. Someone who doesn't let stuff get them down for too long and always looks on the bright side. I wish I could be more like her.


I wish that my happy exterior was real and not just a show I put on for others. I wish I could be optimistic enough to always believe good things will happen, that I will make the team. Well, that everything will work out anyway.


I just hope that I can get through this rough spot and that I won't need the happy mask anymore, because there will be a real smile on my face. Maybe, a little of that Sue Heck positive spirit will rub off on me.

Cleaning Up

I had to laugh when I read my horoscope this morning. It said that I should do some serious cleaning up - clean out the closet, car, etc. and get rid of clutter. It said to make room before adding anything new. It also advised me to clean out my mental clutter, such as any useless or silly ideas or preconceptions I've been carrying around. These are exactly the things that I've been preoccupied with lately.




As to the first part of my horoscope - I am trying! I've been plodding through spring cleaning for the past few weeks, drawing on my limited supply of energy to tackle projects indoors and out. I have made some headway, but not as much as I would have liked or been able to back before MS came into my life. I start out working on a task, and soon my body starts to display a lack of willingness to work with me. As I fight against it to finish what I'm doing, the negative thoughts begin to creep in. That's where the second part of my horoscope comes into play.



I haven't been writing as often as I would like lately, as I have been feeling very overwhelmed, not just by the list of tasks I need to complete, but mentally and emotionally overwhelmed as well. Sometimes I feel ill-equipped to deal with things that are going on in my life, or I feel too weary to deal with them. I start to think negatively about things, and maybe even scare myself a little.



I don't know if they qualify as useless or silly ideas, but the negative thoughts don't help, so they should be tossed out. I would like to move forward and get my life cleaned up - it is a real mess right now. I think sometimes we just need to get out from under all the stuff that is bogging us down, physically and mentally. After that, it is just a matter of keeping the mess from building back up again. Cleaning, cleaning, always cleaning.

Sometimes in the midst of all the cleaning, a little rearranging needs to be done, too. That is something I may have to deal with, and I'm not looking forward to it. I don't like having to make big decisions, and I know I may have to do just that. It has to do with my dislike of change I am sure, though there are some changes I would like to make. And of course, as always, I am hopeful that there will be a positive outcome.

As for adding anything new, I think that would be new ideas, new experiences, new thoughts. I sure could use those. Some new positive thoughts would be nice, to get things going. I've been dragging myself down lately, but I am able to turn it around. I somehow always do. The other day I was thinking how tired I am of pulling myself up off the floor (both literally and figuratively), and then it occurred to me that the good thing is at least I can do that. So I know I will continue to do it - and well, why wouldn't I? No one wants to stay down on the floor - especially in this house!





Time to clean out the old and bring in the new - sounds good to me. And maybe once I get the floors clean - a new living room rug!

Appreciating The Humor, Even When The Joke is on You

I was kind of disappointed this month because St. Patrick's Day came and went so fast, I couldn't get my post about good fortune fleshed out in time to write it here. It occurred to me that April Fool's day is nearly upon us, however, and it seemed like the perfect time to write something about humor and laughter.

April Fool's is a holiday for kids (and kids at heart). I don't remember any of the April first pranks from my childhood, but once in a while I'll recall a funny thing that happened in those days. Like the time I had to chase after my two-year-old little sister as she ran naked down our driveway. Or the time my friend and I were in my mom's car waiting for her to come out of a store, and the car started to roll backward. Just remembering my friend frantically trying to get the car door open still cracks me up! (The car stopped, and no one got hurt.)

Little kids' laughter is the best. It sounds so cute, and they will laugh at pretty much anything. Once when I was outside with my nephew (he was three), my cat ran past us and I said, "Look at her go," and "sang" the theme from Bonanza. The kid broke into peals of hysterical laughter, and I couldn't help but laugh as he kept giggling away.

It's easy to laugh when someone falls victim to a prank or does something funny, intentionally or not, but it's important to be able to laugh at oneself as well. In living with MS, it especially helps to be able to make light of the way this condition can affect you.

MS is full of "I meant to do that" moments. Little stumbles, falling over, dropping things. If you are able to laugh at yourself, it shows the world you have a positive attitude.

At my last MS treatment, two other patients and I got to talking about our symptoms and such. I mentioned my walking troubles, and the male patient joked about how he hopes he never gets pulled over and asked to walk a straight line. We talked about how early symptoms can appear, and I mentioned a bout of double vision I had as a kid. "Tequila has that effect on me," he quipped. "Well, this happened when I was six," I said, laughing. It's good when you can find a little humor in something that isn't particularly pleasant to have to deal with.

While it may not be the cure for what ails you, laughter truly is the best medicine. Sometimes, even when I don't feel like laughing, my cat will do something silly, and I'll crack up. Or I turn on my favorite sitcom, just out of habit, knowing that even the show can't make me laugh, I feel so bad. But I end up being wrong. It's so great that we respond naturally to humor by laughing; it's like self-medicating. And afterward, you feel better.


It's funny how some of the best moments in life can have you laughing so hard it makes your belly hurt, and even makes you cry.

Life sometimes plays some mean jokes on us. If we can't laugh at our own expense, at least being able to laugh about something, to distract ourselves for a while from whatever is going wrong in our lives, is just too good an opportunity to let pass us by.

A Little Spring in Your Step

I saw a robin a few days ago, and today I noticed the little green shoots popping out of the ground where the bluebells and daffodils will soon be - both signs that spring has arrived!

As winter makes its slow exit, I find myself looking forward to the wonderful fragrance of the lilacs in bloom and being able to leave the windows open all day. Spring means a new beginning. Our spirits are revitalized as the warmer, longer days find us all coming down with spring fever. It's time to enjoy. To put away the heavy coats, and trade boots for sneakers or just bare feet. Soon the grass will be a lush green and the sound of lawnmowers and kids playing will fill the air.

This is the time of year to recharge, and get things done. I've already started my spring cleaning. It feels good to catch up on some of my little projects and get organized.

Spring also seems like a good time to do a little cleanup in other areas besides the home. It's a good time for cleaning out the mental clutter and dealing with any "messy" areas in your life as well. It's hard not to feel a renewed sense of positive energy this time of year. It makes you ready to tackle problems, start a new project or work on self-improvement goals.

Spring is the time for letting go of negative feelings, the winter "discontent" if you will, a time of moving forward with a positive attitude and making new beginnings.

Embracing Changes

Some of the changes in my life this past decade have not been good ones - like being diagnosed with MS, losing my mother and having to stop working. I am not a big fan of change.

I tend to be set in my ways - sticking to a routine with little variation. Sometimes the predictable makes us feel safe. But it can get boring, and we can find ourselves feeling like we're stuck in a rut and craving a change.

There are times when changes can be frustrating. It's hard to accept changes we didn't decide on and don't want. Your department at work runs like a well-oiled machine, and then there is an upheaval when the people in charge decide to make changes. Or maybe you lose your job altogether.

Sometimes the change can turn out to be a good thing. Maybe being resistant to it is a natural response, but things can still work out. Maybe things at the office could run smoother after all, or a lost job could lead to your getting a better one.

There are always those changes that we welcome. Winter gives way to Spring. Your favorite sports team makes a good trade. I personally can't wait to break open my new box of hair color and get rid of these gray hairs!

Seriously though, I am learning to embrace change. Part of having a positive attitude is seeing the possibility that changes can be good. I am looking forward to doing something new with my life (now that I think I finally know what it is I'd like to do).

Sometimes they are for the worse, sometimes for the better. Sometimes we don't see them coming, and other times we can't wait for them. We wish things would change, or we dread them changing - either way, change is always bound to happen.

Some Thoughts on Being Thankful

I recently made an impromptu list of reasons to be happy (Twenty Reasons to be Happy Right Now). Some of the things I included on that list are things that I am extremely grateful for.

There are times when, I have to admit, I forget how important it is to be thankful. I have those moments when I'm too busy feeling down about things that aren't going that great. But then I bounce back and remind myself that I really do have a lot to be grateful for.

For instance, I might find myself feeling frustrated that I am moving slowly, and no matter what I do, I can't get my body to go any faster. But I know that I really am grateful that I am still on my feet - at least in the physical sense.

When things aren't going the way we'd like, it's easy to fall into a trap of feeling sorry for ourselves. Bad stuff happens and we're ready to throw on a "Life Sucks" t-shirt.

But we know that it really doesn't. No matter what fresh problem life is serving up, there will always be things we can be thankful for. Sometimes you just have to stop and take stock of the things in your life that are good, maybe make a list of all the things that make you feel grateful, like:

The people in your life. The people closest to us, our family and friends, usually top the list. We all have people for whom we can be thankful - people who have touched our lives, made a positive impact. Anyone we know who enriches our lives in some way. For me, my doctor and the nurses who do my treatments are among the people for whom I am most thankful.

Events and Opportunities. Life is full of events to be thankful for. You get the job, you make the team, you meet "the one". Anything good that has happened for us certainly makes the gratitude list. There are always things we can think of that we've been able to do, opportunities we've been fortunate to have, like traveling to a foreign country or going to college, that we can feel grateful for.

Looking around, you can find lots of little things to be thankful for every day. It finally stopped snowing (I can't use that one right now!), gas prices have dropped. Sometimes we can just feel grateful that something good has happened, or things have worked out, either for ourselves or someone else.

What we have. Belongings aren't the most important thing of course, but we can still be grateful for them. Sometimes we take things for granted, or we get caught up in the competition of who has the most or the best toys, instead of being appreciative of the things we have.

Being grateful for what I have for me now includes my physical abilities. When you have MS, you really learn to appreciate being able to do things, especially when some abilities have been lost.

Just getting in touch with your gratitude for all the good things in life can really help you maintain a positive attitude and see good possibilities for the future.

Positively Charged

We all know how important having a positive attitude is. But sometimes we may find it difficult to maintain that positive attitude when negative circumstances creep into our lives. Setbacks happen, and our positive energy may start to drop.



Sometimes we just need a little "attitude adjustment". We need some sort of spark to energize us and encourage positive thinking.



A positive attitude can get recharged in a variety of ways. It could be something as simple as getting a compliment from someone, or having a good day at work.


I've found there are a lot of little things that can help put me in a more positive frame of mind, like hearing a song I really like, going to a place I like, having a really good talk with someone, a really good dream, or when someone does something nice for me. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes the little things really do help - and they add up.



Other ways to jump start a positive attitude -


Turn to friends and family. The ones who care for us are our biggest supporters. Spend some time together.


Do something fun. Put responsibilities on hold, kick back and recharge.


Get moving. Exercise releases endorphins that give you a natural mood lift and can get the thoughts turning toward the positive.


Clean out the mental clutter. Being weighed down by worries, regrets, or other bad feelings saps your problem-tackling energy. Get 'em out of the way. Talk to someone. Try to shift the focus back to the good stuff in life.



With a positive attitude, you can handle anything.

When You Move at a Snail's Pace, But the Rest of the World Doesn't

I am sure I have probably said before that ever since being slowed down by MS, I have noticed more just how fast the rest of the world is moving. A perfect example occurred in the parking lot of my grocery recently. I came out of the store, dragging myself to my car, laboriously pushing my full shopping cart. After what seemed like several minutes, I got to the car, opened the trunk and started putting the bags of groceries in. Then a woman came barreling toward the car parked next to me, also pushing a full cart.

As I stood at my car, slowly placing the bags into the trunk and moving items around to more evenly distribute the weight of those bags, I noticed the woman tossing her bags into her car as if they weighed nothing. Then she sped past me to put her shopping cart in the cart return, like she was practicing for a new TV show called The Great American Grocery Race. She took off as I finally closed the trunk and headed to the cart return (which I was parked next to - a little strategy I use these days.) I kind of jealously glanced at the now empty parking spot on the other side of my car. These days, it just feels like everyone else is racing past me, leaving me standing in their dust.

Oh, swiftly moving society, how I miss walking among you and being able to keep up!

I recently read a letter by a woman with MS in a magazine. She wrote about how she had found a certain joy in being slowed down by MS, that it had given her time to focus on things she loved to do and a greater appreciation for things.

(Sigh) I guess that's a good way of looking at it. I do agree with that. Still, I can't help but miss the days when I could walk briskly, and get more done in a day.

There are times when moving slowly is a good thing. A quiet walk in the park, a leisurely stroll through an art museum. Taking time to take in one's surroundings and really see the beauty of them.

There isn't much to notice or appreciate about a grocery store parking lot. Except how quickly everyone else is moving. And I've realized that the fact that they are rushing about is probably indicative of having lots to do and being stressed out. And it's also made me realize that I probably was stressed out when I was moving at their speed, too.

So for me the joy of moving slower is that it has afforded me a less stressful lifestyle, which is nice. I still wouldn't mind being able to move a little faster when I have errands to get out of the way. But I have found ways to deal with getting things done. I give myself more time now to do them, and I don't overburden myself with my to-do list.

I know I am always going to be envious of the folks who can move faster than I - to a degree. But I do like knowing that I am not under pressure to get things done, and I like that I don't have to race around and I don't feel compelled to jam more stuff to do into my day. I can see the advantages of a slower pace now, and I do appreciate them.

Winter's Good Side

Winter definitely has a bad reputation. And for good reason. Between the snow, ice and relentless cold, it bullies us, ruins our plans, causes damage and often makes us feel depressed.

Yeah, winter can be downright scary, but it can be an enjoyable time of year though. It is after all the only time one can enjoy tobogganing or skiing, or just a good old snowball fight.

Winter isn't easy on me these days because of the MS. I find myself having to go into major survival mode to get through it. Plodding through the snow, brushing off the car, trying to shovel by myself before finally calling in reinforcements - it all gets to be a bit much. But I like to use the strength and determination I have, even in the frigid cold, just to let Old Man Winter and MS know what I think of them and where they both can go!

Depression definitely does set in when the snow piles up, and keeps piling up. But I find that a steaming cup of hot cocoa helps take the edge off, along with the pretty frost patterns on the windows or the sound of neighborhood kids enjoying their "snow day" off school. And of course I don't let the snow stop me from my year-round task of feeding the birds and squirrels!

Winter can be a very trying time, but it does possess a certain beauty in spite of all the obstacles it creates. It's hard not to see it in a perfect snow-covered landscape, or the way the sunlight makes the snow sparkle.

So when I have to shovel a path to get to the birdfeeder, or when I take off my wet boots after having to trudge through the snow, I find myself feeling grateful - for two different reasons- for the opportunity to do these things.

The Mystery of What Lies Ahead (optimism revisited)

It's too bad life doesn't come with warning signs: Rough Road, Falling Rocks Ahead, Caution: Hazardous Area. Sometimes it would be nice to know what's ahead as we travel down life's road. The future is a place of uncertainty, and that can be scary.



Don't get me wrong. It's not keeping me awake nights not knowing what will happen next month, next year, or even in ten years. I guess I'd just like to be able to worry about it less. To know that the future holds security and comfort.


What lies ahead down the road could be good. Maybe I'll have less worry, less stress. In the present, it can sometimes be hard to take such an optimistic view. Especially if the present isn't going so well.



We all want to believe things will get better, and that is not always easy. It requires a super-charged positive attitude to look ahead and say, "Everything is going to be great, and my life is gonna be exactly the way I want it to be."


It takes confidence. Confidence in ourselves and in others. Confidence that we can tackle any problem, handle any situation. Feeling assured that things will work out, or that we can find a way to work them out.

I am not the most optimistic person. I generally have a positive attitude, and when it comes to having MS, I rarely have any negative thoughts about my future in that area. But when it comes to unwanted changes, I always go the pessimistic route. I go right to thinking that if and when things change, it will be for the worse. I was thinking the other day of how I could try to be more optimistic.

I decided the best thing I could do was work on trying to effect positive changes in my life, focusing on things I can control, and seeing the future as an opportunity and not something to be feared.


Things are going to happen or not happen - it is uncertain. I could end up having a great career, being more financially secure and having a home I love. The mystery of what lies ahead opens the door for possibilities, and they could be very good ones. (I guess I have more optimist in me than I thought!)


Seeing the good possibilities and devoting more energy to trying to make them happen can make the unknown that lies ahead a little less frightening.

The Low Energy Journey

For the past ten years, I have been on a journey that I did not choose to go on - I have been living with MS. These days I think of it as the "low energy journey", as my main symptom is fatigue. I feel like I am running on a quarter tank or less most of the time.

Recently I went to Lowe's for a new hose sprayer nozzle and a few other small things. Though all the items I needed were in the same general area, just walking around in this huge home improvement store sapped up my energy pretty fast. During the long walk to the checkout area, I had to stop and rest for a moment a couple of times.

It's much the same no matter where I go. The more walking I do, the more quickly I run out of gas. But you take a break, and you move on. That's how life is in a lot of ways. You just have to find a way to keep going.

Working with low energy is a challenge. It requires patience, perseverance and often some strategizing. I focus on key things like:

Prioritizing tasks. This is a must these days. I have to stay within my energy budget. I can't do as much as I'd like all in one day, so I have to decide what the most important things to do are for that day. I can only do so much and only go so fast.

Working in some down time. We all do it - try to do more, to squeeze things in. We wear ourselves out sometimes, trying to finish things or to get a jump on things we have to do the next day. I get tempted all the time to try and get more done, but in dealing with fatigue you have to know your limit and try not to push yourself past it. It's important to rest and recharge your battery, then you can get moving again.

Staying positive. I can't change the fact that my body works the way it does now. Sometimes it can be frustrating not being able to do everything I would like when I want to do it, or how fast I would like. All I can do is accept it and work with what I've got. I always remind myself how fortunate I am that I am able to do those things.

It may take me a little longer to get where I want these days, but I know I'll get there.

Decisions, Decisions

Love 'em or hate 'em, we're always having to make 'em. Decisions, decisions. Some are easy - cook dinner or go out, what color shirt to wear. Some can be life-changing - whether to go back to school, whether to move to a new city.


Sometimes when we have to make a decision about something, our contentment with life is an issue. We may be unhappy and decide we need to make some changes. So we have to figure out how to go about that. Sometimes we decide just to leave things the way they are. This isn't about how to make decisions, because I don't think there is any guide or how-to article that can help with that. We all know about weighing pros and cons, etc. At the end of the day, making a final decision about something is all on us. Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts; sometimes you just have to go for it.



It's not always easy, and sometimes decisions just end up being trying to determine which is the lesser of two evils. I always think of Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds talking to her students about choices and telling them that they always have the ability to choose. One of the students ends up arguing with her that they do not have a choice when it comes to being in class - if they leave class they'll get in trouble, but if they stay they have to put up with her. She tells him that while it may not be one he likes, it is still a choice. He does have the choice of whether to stay in class.


Then of course there are those things in life we don't get to decide because fate does that for us. But we can decide how we react and how we are going to deal with whatever fate has dished out. Fate may hand you an illness, or cause you to lose your job, but you can choose to be angry and bitter, or to have a positive attitude and press on with life.


The worst thing about having to make a decision is the possibility of regrets. We all make bad choices. The important thing is to learn from them and try to keep them from happening again.





Once in a while, we may find ourselves lamenting over a missed opportunity - the "road not taken". Beating yourself up over it is such a waste of time. More opportunities will always come along. It's better to focus on that positive fact than to dwell on the negative regret over the missed opportunity.



Every aspect of our lives is impacted by the decisions we make. While some are stressful, and we may even agonize over them, other decisions can be really easy, and there will always be those decisions we are really glad we made. Another great thing about making decisions is that it shows how many options are available to us, and options are a good thing.



Life is full of choices. It's wonderful that there are so many roads to take, and that we have the freedom to choose them.

Seizing Those Special Little Moments in Life

Sometimes you can be feeling down and then something really nice happens, or you see something beautiful or funny, and it lifts your spirits. It seems there is always something that jumps out at you and makes you smile. It's as if fate puts it there just when you need it.



You could be having a really bad day, and then maybe you get a phone call or email from an old friend, get a positive message from reading your horoscope, or you notice that the flowers are starting to bloom.





They may not make all your problems go away, but those little moments can, at least for a while, put you in a positive frame of mind. A smile from a baby, an embrace from a loved one. Just some little moment that takes the edge off life's problems.


You can make your own moments, or make someone else's day by just doing simple little things.


Go for a walk, send a funny email, grab the camera and get some pictures of the kids playing, or sit on the beach and let the waves lapping the shore wash over you.


Years after a major happy event occurs in our lives, we can still recall the joys of that day. You may not remember the little ordinary moments that happen, and you may not even remember why you were feeling down before they cheered you up. But they can be just as important, even more so in fact because they can occur anytime.


Sometimes the greatest moments are those that are completely unscripted -those little moments that can make your day, or make you laugh when a moment ago you felt like you may have lost the ability to laugh.



Sometimes you just have to grab onto those little happy moments in life and hold on tight.

Survival of the Not-so-Fit

When you have MS, you can sometimes feel like you are struggling to survive in a world where no one understands what you are going through and negative feelings are lurking around every corner, waiting to strike.

And it is hard enough being slower than you'd like and fighting off fatigue and other symptoms on a daily basis while still doing the same things other, fitter people do - hold down a job, take care of kids, a home, etc.

My best survival strategy has been to keep the positive energy flowing in my life.

One thing I always make sure to do is to keep conversations upbeat. When talking about your condition, focus on your strengths and downplay your weaknesses - those silly falls or butterfingers. And don't let the subject of MS dominate the entire conversation. There are so many better things to talk about.

Sometimes talking about your condition with the people in your life can be like stepping in quicksand - you'll want to get out of it right away. There are the people who think they know what is best for you and try to tell you what to do, there are the people who say the wrong things. Sometimes I have had to minimize contact with certain folks - if they don't understand, are uncomfortable around you or just plain make you upset, they are not helping.

That's not to say they don't have good intentions - sometimes people may want to be supportive, but they don't really know how. And others just don't get it. Educate those you can. Join a support group. Surround yourself with positive people and positive conversation.

Other tools I always have in my survival kit:

Laughter. I say laugh as often as you can. Learn to laugh at yourself and your shortcomings. If you can make others laugh, that's even better. Spread the positive energy around.


Hope. It's always important to try to maintain a hopeful outlook. I mostly focus on the now when it comes to my MS. I just take it day to day, and when it comes to the future, I just hope for the best and that science will find a way to rescue those of us who are affected by illness.


Determination. You hear people say it all the time, "I'm not going to let this thing beat me." If I fall down, I get up. And as things have gotten harder, I keep plugging away. You have to have the will to survive.




"You cannot run away from weakness: you must some time fight it out or perish." - Robert Louis Stevenson