It's Resolution Time Again

"Resolution of happiness. Things have been dark for too long." - INXS


This year I resolve to... When a new year begins, we are always compelled to set out to do things differently or to set goals to accomplish during the year.



We always seem to be a work in progress. Wanting each new year to be better than the last. How will we ever catch up to where we want to be? This year is exceptional because for many of us, recent events have set us back, so now we're just trying to get back to where we were before.



The typical New Year's resolution just doesn't seem adequate right now. Sure I want to lose weight, be more fit, but it's just not really high on my priority list. I know what I would like to see change in my life, and I also know that things are pretty complicated. And right now, more than anything, I just want to be happy. I think we all could use some more of that.



Wouldn't it be great to get to the end of a year and say, "There is nothing I want to change this year. I am happy with the way things are"? To have your only resolution be to maintain things?



I think instead of a New Year's resolution, I need a life resolution. Something that will last beyond the scope of this year. It may be harder to stick to, but I think a life resolution could produce better results.

I want to resolve to be happier by enjoying myself more and finding something meaningful and fulfilling to do with my life. It's a pretty tall order I know, but this is a life resolution after all.

This goes beyond the simple getting organized and de-cluttering resolution. When you want to clean up your life, not just your house, it takes a lot more work. There are problems to be addressed, solutions to be researched. Courses of action to be decided.

It's not going to be easy. A major positive attitude is needed to turn things around. And some hopefulness that things will get better for everyone is definitely needed as well. When we're trying to make things happen, sometimes all we can do is hope for the best.

Maybe next year I can resolve to lose twenty pounds.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Presence

I remember when I was a child I'd go to bed on Christmas Eve filled with anticipation and excitement. Then I'd get up early the next morning and creep downstairs to find the tree surrounded by presents. I wasn't really the 'dive in and shred the wrapping paper' type of kid. I liked to savor unwrapping each new gift and setting it carefully aside. Each gift was special, and each would be loved.

Over the years, the Christmas holiday became less about presents and more about sharing and family togetherness. And over the years, family celebrations have dwindled as relatives have passed on. Traditional large family gatherings sadly are a thing of the past in my family. No more aunts, uncles and cousins stopping by. No more driveways lined with cars.

Now more than anything at Christmas I want to be surrounded by the love and warmth of family. I love watching my nephews open their presents. I love being the gift giver now; I had my time being the beneficiary of Santa's generosity.



Every Christmas day takes me back, just for a little while, to the days when I'd be opening presents one minute and then joyfully heading off to Grandma's house, or Aunt Jean's or Auntie 'Del's to see my relatives. I couldn't wait to see my cousins, enjoy Aunt Jean's delicious candy cane-shaped butter cookies and watch the grown-ups play cards after dinner. My Grandma and her sisters had the holidays down to a science, and their spreads were enviable. And I can't help but smile when I remember Uncle Dan giving me pennies to play the pinball machine in Aunt Jean's rec room, and how Auntie 'Del's swivel container of poker chips was always a favorite for us kids. (So much for the presents they always had for us under their trees.)



Looking back at those times now, I cherish the memories of the people who came together on those brisk winter days far more than any present. No gift ever would or could be as special as the family that used to be.

A Year-End Review

So let's review. I started to write this blog a little over a year ago and then hit a bump in the road. My computer broke in late August, and I spent the next three months without one. Living on disability income doesn't exactly lend itself to keeping pace with technology (or even owning a computer), so I finally used some savings to get a new one.



This incident is kind of fitting as the year winds down and the feeling of a lack of accomplishment sets in. That feeling of regret that the year is ending, and I didn't do this or that. This past year didn't go exactly as I would have liked, but as they say, "There's always next year."




Next year. It lies ahead waiting for us, offering new hope and a new chance to get it right. A chance to turn plans into action. And the hope that it's going to be better than last year. A time of change, a fresh start.



Looking back at the past twelve months is a popular thing to do at the end of a year. We recollect the year's events, good and bad. Print media and television shows offer up highlights and countdowns of the year's best songs or moments or whatever. I like to take stock of things at the end of the year, to think about my life and what I would like to do differently in the coming year.



Now is the time for looking forward, and as I look forward, there are many things to contemplate. So many things have happened in previous years that I did not expect; so many things have changed. As I look down the road, I see more changes coming, and I worry that some may not be favorable. I know I need to focus more on things I can control, to take charge of making positive changes in my life.



I have been thinking of going back to school, and I still want to try to work again. As I continue with my MS treatment, I am working on physically being able to continue to handle things as I have been. I know I will keep battling against the fatigue and other symptoms. I do not plan on backing down.

I have been thinking about whether I want to continue writing this blog. I don't know. I have other things I wanted to write about here before the computer broke. I still have a list. Maybe I'll just work my way through those topics and see what happens (probably more ideas will come).

Despite a few minor setbacks, it has been a good year. My life may not be exactly the way I want it to be, but I feel like I am making progress. The year is ending on a positive note - it's no worse than when it began. So that's a good thing.